Procrastinator voice: “Half an hour more. I’ll make up for it tomorrow”

Confident voice: “One day of absence won’t make a difference”

Pessimist voice: “I’m never going to be able to do it…never regularly or consistently, so why ruin my sleep now”

Rational voice: “I shouldn’t overstretch… it’s okay to rest a little longer some days… sleep is also important”

Resentful voice: “Why should I do it? Been running forever and yet it doesn’t show. Pointless! Why should I work so hard when it’s not even been rewarding so far?”

I could hear them… loudly and vividly… voices of excuses… voices of comfort…voices of reason… voices that were powerful and voices that made sense…

Yet, somewhere amidst the chatter, there it was!

A muffled, soft voice saying…“Think about your goals. This is what YOU really want to do. If you just take a step forward as planned … planned by YOU… you will get closer to your goal… and all these other voices… these detractors will change their tune… you won’t find the negative song again… please listen to me “Wake up, Dress up and simply Show up”

I have a thing for supporting the underdog and so, this morning, that’s just what I did! I heeded this earnest voice… one that was suppressed by all the others…. and I realized that loud voices are sometimes caused by hollow containers. The reality – the substance, however, commands respect… it expects you to find it…over and over, consistently.

I’m glad I listened to the underdog in my head… so I could delightfully share with you that doing so has made me stronger and grittier about my ambitions. I managed to complete my planned 8K easy run in preparation for the Tata Challenge Run 35K due in less than a month.

How often this happens in our lives!

It happens with our professional as well as personal plans that we let these skeptical thoughts play with our minds and resolves… We act impulsively because we listen to the chatter, we act intelligently when we listen to our inner voice. We make our plans with diligence… we identify and deploy the tools and just then something flirts with our willpower… and boom! It gives up loyalty to us… to our set path… to our desires… to our aspirations.

Actions emanate from thoughts. Thoughts get shaped by listening…and good thoughts get shaped by listening to YOUR inner voice. So, silence the voices that mislead you or keep you from inching towards progress… look for the one that reminds you what you really want, one that keeps you on track to achieving it.

When facing a challenge ask yourself, what would a stronger, more confident and even better version of myself do in this situation? The answer you get, that’s your inner voice talking and it’s generally a good idea to listen to it.

Here are few ways that helped me tune in to the wavelength of my inner voice:

• Affirmations: To stay positive and keep you from getting distracted. Create goals with “I will….” instead of “I won’t” eg., “I will stay positive” instead of “I won’t be negative”.
• Meditation: To train the brain to focus and resist the urge to wander. It also helps you get better at increasing attention, managing stress, thinking clearly, and increasing self-awareness.
• Mindfulness: Be present. Be in ‘the here’ and ‘the now’. When we become “mindful,” we are also engaging that part of our brain that we need for willpower, rather than just letting our impulses take over.
  Building automatic habits. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give it at least 21 days of consistency and it might well become your new normal
• Accountability partners: Identify at least one friend or family member who is invested in your happiness, who will give you the nudge when it gets difficult to move ahead.
• Responsibility icons: Pledge your intentions and plans to someone you admire. You’d rather deliver as pledged than let the negative chatter hijack your intentions and credibility in front of your icon.

Talk with yourself when you are not feeling vulnerable, and then, remember to refer to it, even at your vulnerable most.

The light you are seeking has always been within.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed the post, please click the thumbs-up icon above and let me know! Do connect with me, Vinee Ajmera, on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I would be happy to interact with you.

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How often do we find ourselves saying, “I should’ve taken the other route, the traffic is bad”? “I should’ve gone out with that guy/girl. I’ve lost him/her now” “I should’ve taken up another job”… “another role”… “picked another restaurant”…and on and on.

Is it really possible that the alternative to any decision that caused disappointment would have definitely led us to success? Is this approach keeping us from accepting ‘what is’ and sending us constantly into a fantasy world of utopia… a quagmire that’s taking us away from appreciating what we truly have? In retrospect, every other option feels perfect.

A failure is not always a mistake; it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.

For example, while our awesome Indian Team players trained for the World Cup, so did every other participating team. While our Team reached the World Cup semi-final, so did New Zealand. How does it then become so difficult to trust our players and their performance and judgment on the day? I mean isn’t that what each match stands for. The best performing Team on the day wins. We feel that if one decision and action doesn’t result in our favor, all the other imaginary alternatives would definitely give the desired outcome.

Suddenly people expect M S Dhoni to retire, Virat Kohli to give up captaincy. How can one critical loss take away all the other major wins? That’s looking at life from a very narrow lens… as if it’s a game of snakes and ladders!

Is it becoming increasingly necessary to blame someone-ourselves inclusive- to soften the blow of a defeat?

In doing so, are we setting ourselves up for stringent expectations of ourselves too? In expecting perfection from others who are experiencing all that we are merely witnessing – games, relationships, profession, education challenges… we are subconsciously conditioning our minds to reprimand us and nurse regrets for every failure or setback.

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.
– Norman Vincent Peale

There is no such thing as failure, it’s feedback… one of the first few things I learned in my coaching practice.

While it’s good to hold ourselves accountable and ask ourselves whether we pushed hard enough, it is as important that we do not doubt ourselves in our efforts and accomplishments.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

There can be many learnings from a setback and it’s always a good idea to take stock of how to improve for the future. So what can we do when we are staring in the face of failure?

Five steps that have helped me and hopefully will help you too:

1. Accept the situation: Understand right away that some things are NOT in your control. Remind yourself that what has happened has happened and that you cannot change it. No amount of compunction will change the reality. This attitude will allow you to be flexible and adaptable – and you may find yourself better at handling negativity and loss in future situations.
2. Be realistic: There are many elements (people, processes, nature, environment, hormones, and more) that lead to the success or failure of something meaningful. So it seldom helps to credit or condemn any one person, even if it’s you.
3. Keep perspective: You may not have been able to prevent what happened, but you can control your reaction towards it. Take a deep breath, and try to be as rational as possible. This is hard to do but the quicker you stop getting upset, the quicker you can use this as a lesson to move on. Remember that life goes on and one defeat may not be important in the larger scheme of things.
4. Reflect and learn: (i) Write down all that you think went wrong or could have been done better. Make a plan to improve where needed and build competencies where these negatives can be marginalized or eliminated.
5. Reflect and learn: (ii) Next write down all that you think worked- the collective strengths at the time. Explore what else can work in similar situations in the future. Start strengthening these positives and building on them in a steady, sustainable manner.

Be honest about how you approach failure. Don’t just be critical of yourself, because that can be self-serving. Approach it honestly, assess your performance, and assess the areas where you have fallen short. Correct them and move on. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t hold on to it.
– Megan Rapinoe

Accepting failure isn’t easy. Accepting and learning from failure can not only help build our resilience but also boost our confidence.

In acceptance of the present, we find oneness. In oneness, we experience harmony. And in harmony, we ultimately find Utopia!

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed the post, please click the thumbs-up icon above and let me know! Do connect with me on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.

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Take some risks, seek out positivity to be who you want to be, suggests motivational speaker and lifestyle coach Vinee Ajmera.

Do you ever imagine a healthier, happier, more successful you? I do!

That is not to say that my current life is bad, it is not. Really

But sometimes it is easy to overlook the things that make my life the amazing adventure it is, especially when I am up in the middle of the night worrying about not having enough money, very few friends, and too much belly fat.

I take comfort in the fact that I am not the only one. It seems a lot of us believe that there is a better version of ourselves out there. And if only we had more ambition, better discipline and enough will power, we could become the fit, contented and wealthy people we were meant to be.

The good news is, it is never too late to begin working on becoming the best version of ourselves.

True, not all of us will be managing successful business empires or running marathons any time soon, but by staying focused on our ideal life, we can make better choices that will keep us on the right path toward a happier and healthier life.

1. Figure out who you are and who you want to be

After nine years of working as cabin crew for several domestic and international airlines, Vinee transitioned into a corporate career. “At one point I realised that there was a lot I still had to offer. That’s when I decided to chart a different path,” says Vinee who is now a TEDx speaker and a corporate trainer and podcaster.

She adds that you can start by being very clear about what the best version of yourself looks like. “It is important to be sure that the version you’re chasing is genuinely you and not just somebody else that you wish you were. A lot of us feel pressured to be something we are not by society or people who are close to us.”

2. Believe in yourself and do away with negativity

Our thoughts control us. So, cut the negative self-talk and switch on the positivity and optimism.

“Once we believe we can, we will identify the ‘how’ of it and then go about doing what it takes to get there without doubting its possibility at every stage.”

Vinee points out that by practising mindfulness we can bring positive change in our lives and stay away from pessimism. “Have the right self-conversations, set goals with achievable and measurable milestones, celebrate small victories, and then move on to the next task.”

3. Don’t be afraid to try new things

We can’t expect to be the best version of ourselves if we always play it safe and don’t take risks. Taking up something new can also lead us to opportunities we didn’t know existed, says Vinee who started waking up at 5 am four times a week for her morning jog.

“My social life started taking a backseat but eventually seeing my dedication, my friends started making plans around my running days, respecting my passion for fitness. Today, this has led me to having my own podcast on running which combines both my passions—fitness and well-being.”

4. Develop strong habits

Sometimes we are unaware about the habits holding us back from living up to our potential.

Vinee suggests doing the following to enhance your personal and professional self:

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, switch on to a positive statement. For example, “I failed” can become “I will keep trying until I make it.”

Cultivate an attitude of abundance and gratitude. Remember that all of us have a lot to be thankful for.

Use food to nourish your body, and enough sleep and exercise to lower stress. This will help you be healthy because you can’t be your best self if you don’t take proper care of yourself.

5. Keep going and growing

“Your profession and dream job may not always be the same but if you dive into whatever you take up, your choice will manifest into newer dreams with the same feeling of satisfaction and rigour,” says Vinee who grew up wanting to “excel as an engineer”.

“However, I ended up journeying through the airlines industry, a corporate stint and finally entrepreneurship but my dream did not change. It was still ‘to excel’ – only the role and path to get there has evolved over time, that of a speaker and coach. And everything else I did along the way, I pursued the same principle which is why I remained happy and kept getting better.”

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